Dear employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Enjoy the Holidays!
Sincerely,
The Management
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Enjoy the Holidays!
Sincerely,
The Management
4 Comments:
Oh my...did you actually create all those acronyms??? coz' it was abssss...ulotely clever and brilliant way of defining the terms...
Wow...running for miles and miles might makes you smarter everyday ehh?? Well, it says ...running for your mind can give you a sharp mind...is it true?
Hmnn..or genes?
Sadly, this is becoming a universal corporate message.
This is very clever! Well Done!
I do mean that in a "what has this world come to" sense of sadness.
Mys Lyke Meeh, I didn't come up with all that! LOL it was forwarded to me by a colleague. But about the running resulting in sharper mind, I would have to agree. One of the benefits of running is in improving blood circulation, and increased capillarization, and this includes blood vessels going to the brain. Compared to last time, I don't get tired or sleepy that easily anymore, and my mind is "clearer", if you know what I mean :)
Ron, I know what you mean. It's sad... people losing jobs, people who can't secure a meaningful job, etc... but we can still try to make the best out of the miserable situation ;) Let me guess... you are one of those getting all the SHIT, right? Heheheh...
Hi Random Hiccups! Welcome to my blog. Again, credits to the original author, not me, as it really is a forwarded mail that I felt compelled to share with my blog readers. Which one is your blog?
Slave to the Ordinary
Experiments with Words
I'm guessing it's the former one. Thanks anyways for visiting and commenting!
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